Last Updated on May 3, 2018 by Matthew Sockolov

The Role of Mindfulness in My Recovery

I don’t write a whole lot about my experience in recovery anymore. When we started One Mind Dharma, we were just a blog covering meditation and recovery. As meditation has become a more important part of my life, the website has trended toward mindfulness and insight meditation. However, I’m still clean and sober, active in Refuge Recovery, and it is still an important part of my life.

Although I realize people recover from addiction (of all kinds) in many different ways, mindfulness and meditation have been at the core of my personal journey. Getting sober in the rooms of twelve-step programs, I was encouraged to meditate as part of the program. I already had investigated meditation, and this felt familiar to me. When I found a meditation-based recovery meeting, my path in sobriety changed completely.

My Journey with Meditation

I was introduced to meditation at a fairly young age. My dad gave me the book The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. I read the book, loved the ideas and what I had learned about mindfulness practice, but I wasn’t ready to put the practices into action in my own life.

Trying to get sober, I investigated meditation again. Although I found some refuge in the community and meditation practice, it wasn’t as useful as it could have been as I was out abusing drugs and behaving poorly. I was simply looking for something to help me suffer less other than stopping using drugs. I was re-introduced to meditation while getting sober at a residential treatment center.

When I got sober and found meditation-based recovery groups, that is when my practice really took off. Over time, my meditation practice and community really became the foundation of my recovery. As I began engaging with the Buddhist path, I eventually left AA and stopped attending twelve-step groups. My recovery was rooted in mindfulness, meditation, and the dharma.

In the following years, I built a strong daily meditation practice, attended multiple silent retreats, and eventually went through a training program with Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Although my introduction to meditation started with me just reading, I have built a fruitful and powerful practice today that has enabled me to flourish in life, recovery, relationships, and all that comes along. Yes, I suffer and struggle, but the path of dharma has allowed me to continue growing and moving toward freedom.

How Meditation Practice Has Helped Me

I realize sitting in silence every day for an hour or so may seem ridiculous or pointless. I wouldn’t be doing it myself if I didn’t see the benefits clearly in my own life. We’ve covered the benefits of meditation practice before, but I want to point toward some specific benefits I’ve seen in my own recovery and life.

Mindfulness and Emotions

First, mindfulness practice has helped me learn new ways to approach the emotions I experience. It certainly wasn’t easy at first, and I’m not perfect with present-time awareness. However, meditation has helped me familiarize myself with the emotions that arise, both in the mind and the body. There was a time when I knew I was anxious or angry when I was overwhelmed with fear or frustration. Today, I can notice when it begins to arise and I feel the changes in the body.

With this mindfulness of the emotional experience, I’m not as heavily swayed by each experience that arises. Emotions come and go, and I’m able to respond rather than react. Bringing awareness to emotions has helped me to build some resiliency and clarity. Although I’m still guilty of allowing them to control me, I find myself much more at ease with the emotional experience.

Working with Thoughts

Thoughts are a big one. When I started meditating, I didn’t think I could quiet the mind. Through dedicated samatha practice, I have cultivated the ability to calm the mind and see the thoughts more clearly. Especially during moments of anxiety, I can see the thoughts with much more clarity, patience, and non-identification than I was previously able to.

Compassion and Loving-Kindness

Compassion and the heart practices have helped me deeply. I didn’t immediately like these practices, as they felt fake to me. However, I spent last year doing a loving-kindness meditation every single day. The practices of metta, compassion, and appreciative joy have helped me to deeply change my relationship to myself and to others.

Perhaps most importantly with the heart practices is the ability to meet the painful moments with self-compassion. Difficult experiences were often times in which I used, and with practice I’ve learned to be with the unpleasantness with more compassion. I’ve also learned how to forgive myself better and not cultivating such strong self-resentments.

Continuing to Practice

My meditation practice has been at the core of my recovery, and helps me to keep moving forward. Just like other spiritual traditions, religions, or self-help groups, the dharma offers a way to continue moving forward. I have a path laid out in front of me, work to do, and something to work toward. When difficulties arise, I make mistakes, or I find myself suffering, I have a set of tools and practices to approach them with some wisdom.

If you are interested in working more in-depth with meditation practices, you can work one-on-one with a teacher at One Mind Dharma.

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