Mindfully Letting Go of the Outcome

Last Updated on August 28, 2026 by Matthew Sockolov

Learning to let go is something that we all struggle with at times in our lives. Sometimes we take action in our lives and the outcome is simply not what we expected. Or maybe we’re attached to a certain outcome and experiencing suffering around it. Although we might do our best with something, the outcome isn’t always within our control.

This blog topic comes to me from an experience with a student, and inspired me to really cover how we can learn to let go of the outcome in our lives in a healthy way. So before we get into some things we can do to work with attachment to outcome, I want to discuss what the issue is, where it causes suffering, and the benefits of learning to let go of outcomes.

The Benefits of Letting Go

In my opinion, letting go is at the core of Buddhist practice. Ajahn Chah was a big champion of this idea. So many of his teachings center on the idea of letting things go or leaving them be. In his book Food for the Heart (one of our favorite Buddhist Books), he talks about letting go repeatedly.

“Do everything with a mind that lets go. Don’t accept praise or gain or anything else. If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. ”

― Ajahn Chah

This is quite the promise from Ajahn Chah. He suggests letting go is directly proportional to our level of freedom. He also mentions briefly the Eight Worldly Winds, a nod toward equanimity. Although I can’t claim to have experienced “complete peace” as it relates to letting go, I have experienced an increased level of ease as I learn more and more to let go of outcomes in my life.

We can think of letting go as it relates to outcomes in terms of karma. Our path is not to control any outcome, but it is to take wise action with wise intention. We can make choices and behave in ways that offer both ourselves and others the best chance at freedom or ease, but we can’t entirely control it. Learning to let go of outcomes, we focus just on the karma, or intentional actions we take.

What I’ve found in my own life and the lives of my students is that as we focus on our own behaviors, our perspective changes substantially. Rather than becoming attached to a specific outcome, we find reward in our effort and action. Our intention changes from producing a specific outcome over to taking the wisest action available to us. We find a sense of ease in our actions and karma, rather than the outcomes.

For example, in 2010 I got sober and began going through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the steps is to make amends to those we have harmed. As I made amends and worked to change my behavior, I found that not every person I approached was forgiving or accepting. However, facing the pain I had caused and working to actually improve the behavior led to acceptance, understanding, and a letting go.

This isn’t to say I just endorsed the harmful behavior or said “whatever” to the pain I had caused. Rather, I accepted that the outcome of making the amends wasn’t what I had hoped for, but I had the power in my hands to cause less harm moving forward. My task now wasn’t to necessarily change the outcome or make the person forgive me. My task was to focus on what I can control, which is acting in a way that supported others and myself rather than causing harm.

A few years ago I had to set a boundary with a loved one. I talked to my teacher ahead of time, met with my therapist, I meditated before going into the conversation, and I approached it with as much compassion and presence as I could muster. The boundary was met with some anger, harsh words, and lots of tears. The person, a family member, did not talk to me for almost a year after the conversation.

It was a real practice in letting go of the outcome for me. I had tried to approach the situation with all of my relevant skills in hand, and the other person was still hurt and angry by the boundary I laid out. I questioned how I handled it, doubted myself, and doubted my practice. However, through lots of reflection, conversations, and meditation, I really came to accept that the unexpected outcome was not within my control.

I acted and spoke with kindness and understanding, in a timely manner, and with vulnerability. I had tried to follow the principles of Wise Speech. Although there was pain present in the lack of communication from the other person, I did in fact feel a bit more free. I did not experience guilt or shame for my behavior, and was actually content with my actions. When I was able to let go of the outcome of the conversation, I was able to more mindfully appreciate how I handled the situation.

What Does it Mean to Let Go?

I wrote about this topic nearly 10 years ago in the post What Does it Mean to Let Go? It’s a difficult one sometimes. Maybe we’re trying to let go of worry, let go of a relationship, or in this case let go of an outcome. We all know in general what it means to let go, but what does it actually look like?

In my opinion, the core of letting go in Buddhist terms is equanimity. When we respond with equanimity to our experiences, we make space for whatever arises. It might be understood as a letting go or letting be, but perhaps is best understood as an openness to whatever happens. Maybe you’ll get the outcome you were hoping for, maybe you won’t. Can you make space for either?

In order to practice equanimity and work to let go of outcomes, we have to first bring awareness to our attachments. Attachment is one of the Three Unwholesome Roots, or Three Poisons in Buddhism. These are the three main causes of suffering in our lives. Discussing letting go of something, there’s an implication of attachment present. If we are working to let go of something, it means there is some form of attachment.

With any issue we’re having, it’s important to tune into the actual “problem” or point of suffering. You may know in your head that you’re attached, but you can work to really tune into the experience of attachment. By noticing the attachment and suffering, you can begin to detach and practice equanimity. In this sense, letting go is a release of the attachment and a move toward equanimity.

Letting go gives us the opportunity to respond rather than react to the experience. We can let go of stories about ourselves, and not use the outcome as a launch point for a plethora of other thoughts. In the earlier example with the loved one, I didn’t come to letting go immediately. When I was struggling with the outcome, my mind dove into all kinds of stories about myself, my worth, my future, etc. Tuning into the actions I took and letting go of the outcome gave me the ability to let go of these stories I had about myself and actually embrace what was present for me which was hurt.

How to Let Go Mindfully

So, how do we actually do all of this?! It may seem overwhelming. Sure, we know we have some attachment, and equanimity sounds lovely. But what steps can we take to actually begin to let go of outcomes? Here are a few things I work with my students with when they’re struggling with this.

Equanimity Meditation

First, and perhaps my favorite tool, is equanimity meditation. Equanimity is an important Buddhist practice, and one that’s often left behind. Cultivating equanimity gives us the ability to meet life with balance and stability, regardless of what is thrown our way. Should we not find the outcome we wished for, equanimity allows us to experience the pain or disappointment with mindfulness and compassion rather than reactivity.

Below is a guided equanimity meditation, and I’ve also included the link for a recent talk on equanimity from the podcast.

Noticing Attachment

Another thing we can do both in and out of meditation that is incredibly helpful in learning to let go of outcomes is to really tune in to the attachment and craving we’re experiencing. You might do this during meditation, especially with feeling tone practice. You can also do it in daily life, noticing when attachment arises.

You might simply start by asking yourself, “What does this experience of attachment feel like?” Notice the thoughts or patterns of thinking that go along with it, any physical sensations or tightness present, and the quality of mindfulness of awareness. As we grow attached to an outcome, our practice often shrinks in a sense. We get focused on the outcome, and lose sight of our overall wellbeing.

Try really tuning into the experience of the attachment. You don’t need to judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up. You don’t need to try to produce any experience. Just see what it’s like. Is it causing you suffering or freedom?

Mindful Reflection

Elizabeth just talked about this in her post on the One Mind Therapy Blog 5 Ways to Validate Yourself. It’s a great way to really focus on our own actions rather than the outcomes. I’m also just in general a big fan of mindful journaling, as evidenced by my second book, a Mindfulness for Beginners Journal.

If you’re finding yourself attached to an outcome, take some time at night to journal. Reflect on the actions you took. You don’t need to show it to anyone; be as honest and vulnerable as possible. When I journal in this way, I like to meditate for a few minutes before, and try to retain some awareness of the breath and body as I do the practice. This helps keep me centered and from getting too activated.

As you write down the actions you’ve taken or what’s been happening, you don’t need to label them as good or bad or right or wrong. Just write them down. For example, I might have written that I spoke with kindness and chose my words mindfully. I prepared for the conversation and showed up without anger present. I also learned a lot about the other person and the struggles they’ve been dealing with (and that I didn’t consider going into the conversation).

Reflecting in this way shifts the focus off of the outcomes and onto the actual experience and actions. In a sense, we are training the mind to look at the actual experience and what we can control rather than continuing to attach to the outcome.

Remember that if you want support, there’s plenty of support as well out there for you! Don’t hesitate to reach out. I’ve had to do it many times in my journey of letting go, and it’s been super helpful.

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